HOW NOT TO FALL IN LOVE (Part 2) - What's your fantasy?

Carol sat leisurely in the park under the oak tree, warm sun rays gently streaming through the leaves above. She had a glow about her. One she hadn't had in a long time. Even her friends had started to notice it.

As Bruce walked towards her, he couldn't help but notice it too.

They'd agreed to meet up here just to hang out for a bit and enjoy the lovely weather. She smiled as she looked up and caught his eye. He warmed up all over. He'd never felt this way just by a woman's smile.
As he took his seat beside her, she turned towards him and reached out to hug him. He reciprocated her gesture with glee.

'Hey Carol, how are you?'

'I'm well,' she smiled that smile that never failed to pull his heart strings, 'how are you?'

They proceeded to catch up on the events of their respective weeks and after hours of banter and good laughs, headed off to a restaurant for a meal.

It was there that Carol mentioned something quite shocking. Something he didn't see coming.

'Bruce, my ex Daniel has been in touch with me lately and he's thinking of us getting back together. I kind of want to give him another chance. What do you think?'

Shock alert!

Bruce never realised that Carol thought they were just friends. He had already built up a fantasy that they were dating - when in reality he'd never expressly asked her out or even told her he liked her.

Needless to say, that was the end of his fantasy and he quickly came to terms with his real place as just a friend!

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A fantasy is a fanciful mental image, typically one on which a person often dwells and which reflects their conscious or unconscious wishes. A fantasy is a world built on day dreams, ignoring reality.

A lot of the time, we slip into a world of fantasy because we misinterpret people's words, actions or intentions. At other times, we misconstrue people's reaction to our actions. For example in the above fictitious story, Bruce was of the opinion that because he hung out with Carol, she was interested in him, he was the reason for her happiness and as such he was 'the man' in her life. And he had all these assumptions regardless of the fact that he had made no formality of his intentions.

It's easy to say 'Don't fantasise about the person,' but what is even better is to say 'don't create the breeding ground for fantasies'.

It is almost inevitable to daydream or fantasise about a person if you're always in their company, always on the phone to each other, always chatting or sharing intimate experiences. When we fill our lives with a person, even when we're apart, thoughts of that person will sneak in and then fantasies begin to develop. We begin to imagine things and create false and unrealistic ideals. If allowed to go unfettered, these fantasies could result in us falling in love before we're ready, for the wrong reasons and in some cases, with the other party oblivious to it all!

Extra caution should be taken not to allow fantasies develop especially where you're just recovering from a break up, already in a relationship or positively sure you're not yet ready for a relationship.

That's all on today's post - 'What's your fantasy?' Hope it's somehow encouraged and enlightened you. I like to keep it short and sweet :)

Next time in part 3 of 'How not to fall in love', we'll be talking about delusions - which interestingly are often an offshoot of unguarded fantasies!

Please share if this has blessed you... You never know who you could be helping.

Catch you later and God bless!


Sarah. 

HOW NOT TO FALL IN LOVE - Treasure Your 'Myspace'

Hi guys! I know it's been a while since I blogged…it's due to very personal reasons I may share with you in the near future. But anyway, I'm back and have got a lot of great stuff to share, starting with a 5-part series on 'How not to fall in love'. This is part 1 of 5. Hope you enjoy it, comment and share…God bless!

Most times we hear teachings about how to fall in love, tips on knowing when you're in love and steps to knowing when you've found 'the one'. Interestingly, there is a flip side to this and despite it being just as important, it is not very often the topic of conversations. How not to fall in love is probably something everyone should know, whether single or married (because married people sometimes fall in love with someone else outside their marriage and this could lead to seperation and divorce!).

Some of us have the 'gift' of falling in love too quickly. Some are always on the rebound only to get constantly hurt again and again. The following short and 'sweet' tips are by no means an exhaustive list but should hopefully give you some guidance on how to avoid falling in love, or at least help you not fall in love in a hurry.

Treasure your 'Myspace'. What does this mean? Keep your personal information personal. Particularly avoid sharing important personal information if it provokes deep feelings in you. Obviously, the world we live in today is such a social village that everyone's business is on Facebook and Twitter. However, you do have a few personal secrets no one else knows.

You know how you've been hurt in the past. You know what memories of your past or childhood make you vulnerable. Only you know how you want to be loved. These are personal to you and should not be shared if you want to avoid falling in love.

Sharing these sort of details early on in a relationship is very likely to result in empathy, which consequently could create a bond between parties. When I was single, there was one guy who was so crazy about me, he would sometimes literally be in tears when telling me about somethings in his life and how he really needs me. I on the other hand knew I did not want anything other than friendship from him and so even though I had sympathy for him, I did not let it translate to any other kind of intimate feeling. Imagine if I allowed his emotions get to me and I started thinking about him, eventually, I would have been bonded to him and maybe fallen in love with him - all be it out of pity.

Which brings me to my next point. Sometimes, by virtue of being very open about yourself and talking about your hurts too early in a relationship, you could make the other party fall in love with you for the wrong reasons - out of pity. And this really does not last, unfortunately.

That's all on today's post - 'Treasure your 'Myspace'

Next time, we'll be talking about fantasies - don't we all just love to fantasise!

Catch you later and God bless!


Sarah