Joann stood frozen in the hallway. She could not believe what she had just heard. How was she to answer? What would be her answer? When was she going to answer? These questions danced around in her mind like children on a play ground. She was utterly confused. Excited, but confused.
Only moments ago, Kevin, whom she had been dating for six months, asked her to marry him. It was so unexpected. Not once had she picked up the hint that he felt so strongly about her. He did mention once that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, but she dismissed it; don't want to start getting excited she’d thought. She could even count the number of times he’d told her 'I love you'. The first time was about a month after they met. They’d been out to the cinema to see a new romantic comedy and even shared their first kiss as they parted ways that night. They were both pretty weak for each other that night and she thought his reference to the word 'love' only meant something else. She could count on her fingers the number of times he’s said ‘I love you’ since then.
Before they started dating, they had known each other casually for about three years, as they were both members of the same local church. The past six months they shared together helped her see him in a new light. He was funny, generous and so caring. Not a day went by without him checking on her to see that she was OK. He was also such an extrovert, and every weekend, he would take her to one party or another. In most cases he was the life of the party. This weekend, they were out with friends at a house warming party.
And now as she stood there bemused and lost for words, she could feel the twenty pairs of eyes of their - mostly his - friends piercing through her as they waited for what seemed like an eternity for her to respond to his question.
Her mouth felt like an arid desert. Is this what ladies go through? She thought, I didn’t know saying 'yes' was this difficult.
'Joann', Kevin broke into her thoughts with his ever so gentle voice, 'I know it's a bit unexpected', he paused, then added slightly nervously 'but I think you want to say something?'
Joann was still dumbfounded and tongue-tied. She felt like she'd lost her voice. I don't want to say something. She knew she wanted to say ‘yes’, but she wasn’t sure she was ready to say it.
Not just yet.
There was silence as everyone waited. A very awkward and deafening silence
Finally, she mustered some strength, enough to produce some audible, albeit muffled sound from her lips. 'Yes.' She whispered.
'She said ‘yes’!' One of the people closer to the front of the room yelled. 'She said ‘yes’!' another echoed and the room became agog with laughter and celebration as Kevin pulled Joann to himself and they united in a warm and tight embrace. As Joann nestled her head on Kevin's chest, she couldn't help but ask herself have I done the right thing?
.…………………………………………………………………………………………………
The choice of who we marry is a life changing one. It goes a long way to determine and influence what we eventually become in life. It is a lifelong covenant, so it should be made with care.
Just like in the story of Joann and Kevin, most of the time, the onus is on the woman to decide if a relationship will lead to marriage. It is not so much if the man proposes, but it is if the woman accepts the proposal.
Many relationships lead to a proposal, but not every proposal will be answered with a 'yes'. Sometimes, to safeguard against getting a 'no', men stage a very public proposal; like in front of a crowd or audience expecting that the woman will not deny them publicly. Still, there have been quite a few public refusals where the woman just knows a public 'no' before a marriage is better than a public divorce after.
There will most assuredly be the right one, but women need to exercise caution and be prayerful before accepting a marriage proposal. There are various signs that could help you identify 'the one', and these signs are not 'tall, dark and handsome with a great job, house and car' as many ladies say wishfully. Though they are ‘good-to-haves’, they are not ‘must-haves’.
A few signs to look out for are - Compatibility – you must get along well and have similar or complimenting personalities, goals and ambitions. Physical attraction – among other things, you must be happy with the thought of seeing his face first thing in the morning. Chemistry – there must be some romantic feelings that you both have for each other. Friendship – you can call him your best friend and he gets along well with your friends and family. This is in no way a comprehensive list!
The interesting thing is you could have all these and still not be sure if he's the one and whether to say ‘yes’ when he pops the big question. I have had several ladies ask me 'how do I know that he is the one for me, I don't want to make a mistake?' I often give them three keys to knowing if to say ‘yes’.
1. Personal peace (Isaiah 26:3). This is a sign that you are in line with God's purpose for you. If you do not feel any reservations or anxiety towards the idea of spending the rest of your life with him, then you are likely to be on the right course. Going into marriage requires a strong conviction and resolution to love and live with your partner come hell or high water, so your heart and mind must feel right about it. Like someone said ‘the thought of marrying him must not scare you in the least’.
2. Pastoral approval (2 Chronicles 20:20). If you submit to your spiritual leaders or spiritual parents, then you should keep them in the loop of your relationships, especially where marriage is concerned. Sometimes, they can discern things you cannot, so will be able to guide your decision in line with God's purpose for you.
3. Parental approval (Judges 14:1-3). This is sometimes the most difficult to obtain, as parents expectations from relationships could be vastly different from yours or your spiritual leaders'. In some cases, you may not even be able to obtain parental approval; say where there are religious or racial differences the parents are not ready to accommodate. But in all your getting strive to get your parents on your side where marriage is concerned, as their blessing is very important.
These are three ‘Ps’ that will help you know 'the one' and hopefully, help you make the right choice. Personal Peace giving you mental cover, Pastoral Approval giving you spiritual cover and Parental Approval giving you physical cover.
So remember when that special moment comes and he pops the 'magic question', don't say 'yes' without giving it some deep thought and prayer. It is always easy to ask a question, never so easy to give an answer.
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