We live in a world where conflicting messages about what is expected of adolescent sexual activity are fed to us on a constant basis. The most affected of these divergent views, being the youth and singles.
On one hand, they are told to abstain or to just say “NO” without knowing why, for how long or exactly how to go about it. On the other hand, they may see sexual relationships as extremely desirable, given the way celebrities, music, movies, TV, magazines and commercials present casual sexual gratification as harmless and a great source of pleasure. They are made to believe sexual gratification cannot and need not be saved for marriage.
Then there is the pressure they are likely to face from their 'partners', because let's face it, sexual attraction starts from early teenage years, so to think a teenager does not have a boy/girl friend or a crush or secret admirer is to be in denial.
So then, is there a middle ground between both extremes? Can we help young people make better decisions regarding their sexuality without getting them confused? It is a tricky question.
It may help if we scrutinized the word 'Abstinence'. What really does it mean?
Abstinence is self-denial and the willful avoidance of pleasures for the achievement of a higher goal. Self-denial suggests resisting one's own desires. It does not suggest ignoring them.
It is hard on young people when we don't make it clear to them that they will have sexual desires and these should be acknowledge and can be addressed and effectively managed.
Dare I say, it is also unfair if we deny the fact that there are indeed pleasures to be derived from sex. After all, sex was designed by God to be a pleasurable experience, shared between husband and wife (Song Of Solomon 4:12-15). However, the whole idea of abstinence is being aware of a pleasurable experience, but deliberately and consciously avoiding it.
Yet, the most interesting fact about the word abstinence is that it is done in order to achieve a greater goal. It is done knowing that there is a reward on the other side. This could be anything from living in good health and free from STDs to pursuing a political career not fraught with sexual scandals. The rewards of abstinence are far reaching.
But it is not all fun and games. Abstaining from sex, especially given the sort of pressures facing youth today, is not a walk in the park. In the first instance, it requires the knowledge of why you’re doing it, otherwise, it would be pointless.
Discipline, and self-control are key where abstinence is concerned. They are to abstinence what fuel is to a car. The calibre of friends one associates with also goes a long way to influence the choices made where sexual expression is concerned. There are many more practical ‘hows’ and ‘whys’ on abstinence in the book Sex Interrupted such as demystifying the sexual urge and tips on how to know when you’ve ‘gone too far’. I would encourage you to get a copy and read through as it has been reviewed as a very insightful, relevant and practical guide on the subject matter of abstinence.
So is there really a middle ground? Not if you are going to make one of two choices. When it comes to casual sex, you are either having it or you are not having it. The important thing is that one is well aware of the pros and cons of both options when making the decision. There are two paths, only one can be followed.
***For more info on the book sex interrupted, click here
